Zai and Ray: The Plane Ride
by Ray by Another Name
Summary: Repost: Zai and Ray are OCs based off of myself and Zai-chan13, we are only somewhat like this as we completely exaggerated our personalities to create them. Rated T for some rather creepy innuendos...and swearing! Ray's POV.


Zai and Ray are OCs based off of myself and Zai-chan13, we are only somewhat like this as we completely exaggerated our personalities to create them. All other characters belong to other people! The first Zai and Ray fic, it is truly...The Beginning...Rated T for some rather creepy innuendos...and swearing! Ray's POV. :D

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I, being the infinitely genius of a person I am, picked up my phone when someone called me today…not the brightest idea ever. It was a very…hyper? Zai. Apparently her house was surrounded by angry anime guys…she happened to prank them the week before… and she needed someone to pilot the get away plane. So… I got the plane and flew directly to her house… ok well semi-directly, I had to fuel the plane first, then I had to remember to disengage the fuel pump…(Zai might get angry if I blew up the plane like the last one. Or two. Or fourteen, but who's counting?) Then I had to remember to close the door, but I got there eventually. I might have run over a few anime people, crushed several houses, and crashed a five year-old's birthday party, but I got there damn it!

From what I could see, Zai was on the phone, and going by her half laughing/half I-am-so-very-very-dead expression, she was talking to Neji. But then I saw the eighth wonder of the world…Edward Elric. But he wasn't the same Ed I'd come to know, love, and build a shrine to, in the manga or on the show. Oh no, this Edward had, for whatever ridiculous reason, pink hair. I mean bubblegum freaking pink here. Immediately I suspected Zai was involved. As I got closer to landing I realized that, in addition to his-ahem-"edgy" hairstyle and livid expression, his signature red jacket had "WARNING: I'M A SHORT HOTTIE" painstakingly stitched into it. I smiled proudly-Zai had outdone herself this time.

So I signaled her and she signaled back using a complicated system of hand claps and the use of a kazoo. With only a little difficulty (I mixed up "take out" with make out. Very confusing it was.), I was able to decipher the fact that I needed to remove Ed from the picture temporarily. SO! I got a gigantic wrench and my Winry poster, cut Winry out (with tears streaming down my face, I might add) and glued the wrench to her poster hand. Soon I was sneaking behind Edward with the Winry poster as he cowered in fear. Zai slowly started toward the plane, now idling in the middle of her street, once she made it to the steps, I threw the Winry at Edward and ran for my life towards the plane. Sadly…Ed followed…

"Neji is on the way!" Zai told me as she started getting the plane ready for lift off.

"NO! Neji is here!" I squealed in my voice that was almost high enough to where only dogs could hear it. I knew it wasn't the time for such fangirlishbehavior, but come on. It was Hyuuga-freaking-Neji! You have to cut me some slack here.

"Ray! This is NOT the time…" Zai reminded me. Her immunity to fangirlishness was, shall we say, "cramping my style."

"Right! You get them to go away, while I get the plane ready," I said, taking the wheel as she headed to the steps to try and kick the two anime guys now climbing up the steps back to the place from whence they came. And before you ask, no, I do not know where that is (sadly...). Finally, I got the plane into the air and Zai came back into the cockpit. "So….what did you do to Neji THIS time?" I asked her, a huge smirk on my face.

Zai sighed and flopped into the seat next to me. "First, get that damn smirk of your face…" I merely rolled my eyes, "Second, I might have taken that certain, er, interesting picture of Shikamaru and Kiba yaoi that you sent me last summer…" I giggled at the thought of my current screensaver, "and I might have sort of kind of blew it up into a poster and super glued it to Neji's wall…immediately after I redecorated his room a tasteful shade of fuschia and lime…"

"Do you have another poster?" I asked quickly, my fangirl mode coming on once again. Another sigh as she handed me a rolled up poster from her bag (that amazingly appeared…). "YAY! So why is he mad about that, seriously it's not that bad, probably our kindest prank yet." Really, considering a few of the things we'd done in the past, this was downright pleasant. I worried for a moment we were losing our edge.

"Well, I didn't just leave it at that though… I may or may not have wrote some very, um, suggestive comments on the poster in Neji's handwriting…and then I may or may not have called T so she could go see it…" Zai explained, tilting her head nervously to the side.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! THAT IS GENIUS!!!" I screamed, "How'd she take it?" My evilish grin coming to my face as Zai chuckled wickedly.

"She said some things," She shook her head and started again. "She said quite a few things regarding Neji's straightness…or lack thereof."

"Please, please tell me you recorded this," I said, my no-nonsense tone coming into play here. This was some serious business; yaoi is some important awesomeness! She gave me a 'What do you think, idiot?' look and handed me a dvd case. "You pilot for a bit, got to watch," I said cheerfully on my way to our DVD player.

"M'kay," was her response as she took the helm. So I walked to the back of the plane, and instead of simply skipping to the DVD player, I tripped. Over two bodies. Not exactly an uncommon thing with Zai around, but I glanced down at them anyway.

"ZAI! WHY ARE NEJI AND ED IN OUR PLANE?!" I yelled as I quickly gathered myself from the floor.

"Oh…did I forget to mention that when I knocked them unconscious they landed in here?" Zai called back.

"YES! Yes you did! And now we have to tie them up in the bedroom, strip them naked, and film them in yaoi positions before dumping them over the Bermuda triangle!" I called back.

"WHAT?!" Zai screamed. I could just imagine the horribly disturbed look on her face.

"You heard me! Do you know how much work that is? There had better be some damn mountain dew on this plane…" I told her as I tied up the two anime guys and dragged them to the bedroom compartment.

I heard Zai banging her head against the steering wheel (hopefully not on any important buttons again). "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am! This is going in the scrapbook!" I turned in time to see her shudder. "Wanna put the plane on autopilot and come help?" I asked her.

"Um, I think I'll just sit here and pretend I have no idea what's going on back there," I frowned.

"Just going to let me go along with my perverted plans on my own then, huh?" She nodded slowly, still not looking at me. "Ok then, but you get to hear all of it!" She immediately started to sing off-key at the top of her lungs to drown out the sound, but to no avail. "First the 69-position, then the…"

_Several hours and several hundred pictures later…_

I sipped my Mountain Dew as I sat on the deserted island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, our safe house really, in case we got attacked by anime guys for the many evil things we had done to them. Zai came out with the developed photos of the yaoi fun I had been doing in the plane. Really, who knew dressing up two hot anime guys as two OTHER hot anime guys would be so much fun? And taking pictures? You would not believe the fun I had. Even Zai thought it was pretty funny, even though she refused to help me with the one exception of when Ed started to wake up and she said some things…

"So…Ed's hair, VERY shiny in these pictures," Zai told me, and just as I opened my mouth to comment on that, "Is it dirty?"

"Very…"

"Will I be able to stop you from saying it?"

"Probably not…"

"OK then, go ahead."

"Neji just "LOVES" his hair!" I laughed psychotically as I said it. Zai just rolled her eyes at me before heading back in to the awesomely coo,l completely underground, mansion that is our safe-house. "HEY! What's for dinner?"

"Whatever the hell you make yourself!"

"But…but…I'll burn something!"

"…Not my problem!"

"Damn it, Zai! Did you forget who rescued your ass from anime guys?!" I yelled at her as I followed her inside.

"No Ray, I did not, nor did I forget who's ass I saved last month because Shikamaru found out about the shrine!" she yelled back as we walked down the stairs. I simmered as I entered the kitchen and got frozen pizza out of the fridge and threw it in the oven to cook.

After that I headed to my Shika shrine (it was moved to the safe house after the whole 'Shika finding it and having a nervous break down' thing), which now filled an entire suite in the mansion. Ten minutes into my Shika worship thing I smelled something burning.

"RAY! YOU FORGOT TO TAKE THE PIZZA OUT OF THE BOX AGAIN!" Zai screamed at me.

"Oh…WELL I SAID I WOULD BURN SOMETHING!" I yelled back. I heard the slap sound that always came when Zai slapped her forehead in frustration.

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